Time to talk

Well, it only took a year for my second post… Not bad!  I have been feeling the isolation of Asperger’s quite a bit lately, and find my usual means of finding a connection to people completely inadequate, so here I am.  My line of thinking is this… Most of the places I try to socialize online, my Asperger’s is a big secret, something I am sure will scare people away.  But here, since it’s already known, not a problem!  I am also hoping to hear from people, both with and without Asperger’s, comments on my experiences and thoughts.  As much as I want to have more friends, it is hard given my schedule to get out and meet people, and if I find I do have the time, I find an excuse to stay home or avoid it.  Very frustrating.  I have reached the point though, now, that I absolutely need to start talking about Asperger’s, how it feels to be diagnosed, but mostly, how it has completely changed my worldview, about me, my family, past loves, my children and the world.  It has been hard to stay positive, but I try to remember that the world is the same place it was before the diagnosis, and I am the same too.  I just feel like my mind is going to turn itself completely inside out with all of this new insight, to the point where I don’t want to think about it anymore.  And when I need to ask someone their opinion, to center my thinking… no one there.  And then I think about that, and it starts aaaallll over again.  Lol.

So, don’t be shy people.  Reach out, let’s get the conversation going.  I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts anymore.  I have lots of questions for you all, and I believe I can teach you something too.  🙂

Cipherr

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Life as an Aspie

Hi everyone.  First blog I’ve ever done, hope it goes smoothly.  I just found out, after 38 years that I have Asperger’s syndrome. I am sure many of you have been in the same boat, shocking while at the same time not a surprise.  I debated whether I should get the diagnosis, and when I did, I experienced a huge sense of relief, of a burden lifting, everything started to make sense.  I swore the diagnosis wouldn’t change my view of myself, I just needed to know.  Now, several months down the road, I am struggling with issues of sadness, of a life that I thought I could have had, and probably never could have, of all of the things I dreamed of being of as a youngster, only to realize now that I wasn’t going to realize most of those dreams, maybe because of the very fact that I didn’t know why I was always feeling misunderstood, different, feelings more intense than others experienced them, and at the same time being told that I shouldn’t feel things the way I do, and feeling shame, not knowing that I’ve always had Asperger’s.  My path to diagnosis was through my son, in whom I spotted it, and have since seen it throughout my family, unseen by everyone.  The tragedy of it is staggering, the losses and loneliness probably felt over generations is quietening.  Makes me think of all of the people in the world who are so lonely, and we don’t know why.  I am glad I figured this out about myself, but now don’t know what to do with the info.  Newly diagnosed, always lonely since childhood, and to start, maybe looking for someone like me to tell me there is hope in other people.  I am struck by a quote by Tony Attwood, and am sad at how few people are aware and/or are capable of getting it…

“The main treatment for Aspergers is self-understanding and self-acceptance.  The trouble is that people will say that people suffer from Aspergers.  No you don’t suffer from Aspergers, you suffer from other people.  I want people to admire those with Aspergers syndrome, to say that it gives you talents.  Don’t feel sorry for them, applaud them.”

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